Still not watching footy….

If you stumbled on this then let me bring you up to speed.

I, Justin Moorhouse have vowed not to watch, listen, partake (yeah right) or even glimpse at any football for twelve months. For many reasons that I have already listed (scroll down for the full story)

Sorry for lack of action on this part of the site recently. To be fair it wouldn’t be of that much interest to keen eyed observers of great writing. Today – didn’t watch football, repeat ad nauseum.

I’m talking to a few people about how and what I do with ‘the project’ – so to that end I’m keeping my powder dry.

Take care and enjoy your football in my absence.

J x

I’ve got some Extra Time

I have discovered two things about football so far in this what the people are calling “ridiculous experiment”. Yesterday I said that the biggest thing I’d learnt so far in not watching football is just how hard is to avoid any mention of it. To be clear this isn’t a year long version of that tremendous episode of Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads where they tried to not spoil the highlights of the England game on television later by deliberately not finding out the score. I haven’t got a Brian Glover type chasing me trying to tell me what’s happening.

Football seems to be omnipresent – to me anyhow who as always looked out for scores, kept abreast of transfer deadline days (I know by the way that is today) and to be truthful have had a lifetime with one eye on variously through the ages ceefax, the internet, newspapers or one ear open in the pub eavesdropping on the conversation of strangers.

The other startling thing that’s become obvious is just how much time I have devoted to football. Even a home game at Old Trafford is at least a four hour jaunt, despite living 6 miles from the ground (yes get that six miles, and you thought every United fan lived south of Watford) and being able to get a train direct to the ground that takes about 20 minutes, it’s still a full afternoon gone. Away matches obviously (when I could go I would) take up far more time. I’ve not done the European away trips – I don’t know why, but some people go on ALL these. Surely they can’t have time to go on a real holiday? Add in the hours watching the games live on the television, highlights, inane Sunday morning babble dissecting the previous day, the odd La Liga match, oh look the Academy are playing and it’s on MUTV etc. and thats a huge chunk of my life gone.

One of the aims of this what other people are a calling “a mid life crisis” is to try and broaden my mind, embrace culture and the arts and generally try to be a bit more rounded as a human being. It’d be nice to think not of football when I hear Pavarotti sing. (Italia ’90 – Nessun Dorma, obviously).

So I need your help. Are you a non-football fan? Do you do something that’s fun and interesting a little bit cultured perhaps? Can I please come with you when you do it? Would you mind showing me what you do when football is on?

I need somethings to do about tea time on the 10th September when Bolton entertain United. The following Wednesday the 14th in the evening, when I’m not watching the Champions League game against Benfica and then early evening of the 24th United are playing Stoke on TV – I need something then. So to clarify

Saturday 10th September – early evening
Wednesday 14th September – evening
Saturday 24th September – early evening

It could be great, you get the chance to spend time showing someone your passions and I get to fill the hours in what some people are calling “a futile attempt to get an Edinburgh show/book deal à la Danny Wallace or Dave Gorman but without necessarily their talent”

Ignore those people. They’re probably stinky football fans.

Best way to get in touch is via email info@justinmoorhouse.com

Let’s make the world a better place, I mean Join Me…….Get in touch.

What an arse(nal)

So. A couple of weeks into this idea and suddenly THE GREATEST VICTORY OF ALL TIME™ has taken place. I didn’t see the game (obviously) but have felt the reaction to it on the internet and caught the story by inadvertently glancing at the back pages. I commented on Twitter that I seemed to have missed a great game.
There were three very different responses to my tweeting about it.
Firstly some people seem to be in some way trying to be sympathetic. I’m getting the same looks I got when I left the vets once, alone and holding my dog’s lead and collar – I must have looked a little upset as a kind old lady grabbed my hand and whispered “It’s ok – I’m sure doggie heaven will have it’s gates open for yours”. I just smiled thanked this stranger for her kindness and walked away proud I hadn’t said what was on the tip of my tongue “Well they won’t need to open the gates love, she’s being spayed, I’m sure we could post her womb through St. Peter’s letterbox”. Thanks but honestly I’m not after sympathy, I’m not ill, I’ve not lost anything – except my mind it seems to some people – these are the second group of people.
The second group of people aren’t in the majority but they seem to shout the loudest. These tweets usually have a passive aggressive element. “I bet you are missing it now aren’t you DICKHEAD”, “Ha! -thought you weren’t liking football anymore you BENDER” (yes ‘bender’ really – and yes unfriended) and such. OF COURSE I am missing it at the moment, but please don’t call me names or revert to misplaced and frankly ludicrous homophobia, I’m just trying something, you know, just to see if it works out. Why don’t you try just being nice or in the case of the second ex-facebook friend stop using the language of The Sun in the days of “EastBenders” headlines. It’s not like I’m making anyone else do it, nor am I saying people watching football are in way wrong – you aren’t, in fact I was just like you until a few weeks ago until I opened my big fat stupid mouth, and next thing you know Old Jed’s a millionaire and I’m not watching football for a year. A game I love and yes I’m missing. Am I regretting it? No. I’m still very much into the idea of conducting the experiment. I’m sure/hoping/desperate that some good will come of it.
Thirdly there are those that seem to think they have caught me in some kind of trap as I reflect on the score. I can almost hear the harrumph as they type “How do you know?” etc. Well let me tell you – if there is one lesson I have learned so far in this thing is that I can’t completely avoid it. I don’t know if it is my circle of friends (in real life and online) or the world in general. I just can’t seem to be unaware of what is going on. It’s also difficult to hide the delight of my 14 year old son, who looked like he’d been asked to be a security guard for the female dressings rooms on the next Inbetweeners movie as he came back from watching the game.
That said the only details I know are that of the score and the general delight/malaise of my friends who happen to be Man United fans of those of Arsenal.
So on we go, enjoy your football, don’t be a hater and don’t feel any sympathy for me. It’s my fault.

First Home Game

….the most stupid thing I’ve decided to do continues……

So last night I missed what is traditionally one of my favourite games of the season. The first home match. I’ve been lucky that over the last few years the team I follow has been extraordinarily successful, so first game thoughts of the season aren’t filled with what 90% of supporters are usually bothered about.

Will this be our season?…….Can we avoid the drop?……..and increasingly …..Will we go bust this year?

No, being a Manchester United fan has under the direction of the GREATEST FOOTBALL MANAGER OF ALL TIME™ Sir Alex Ferguson been a most pleasurable experience for the past 20 years. During the summer the talk has been of how many trophies, not can we win one. Not for us the trawl for players that are available/out of contract/at the end of their shelf life. It seems with one or two notable exceptions TGFMOAT™ has picked out his targets, gone and got them and blended them into the team.

Wheel keeps on turning, United keep on winning. First home game of the season for me has always been one I’ve looked forward to. Warm later summer afternoons, that feeling you shouldn’t be back at the Stadium yet, sun/booze blushed faces and shirt sleeves, and for the first time in action – seeing the new kit. On the players that is, not stretched against the pot belly of a forty year old man who really should realise with his propensity to sweat and not shower daily leaves the idea he can wear polyester preposterous. I’ve not got a problem if you are buying sportswear if you are going to do sport. If you are buying sportswear in XXXL then that’s bit wrong. Dressing up as your heroes is for kids. Not middle aged men and women. It’d be like going to see Batman with your own cape.

Last night, because of this ridiculously stupid idea I’ve had I did’t get that. What I got instead was a middle aged man dressing up in different outfits and doing a one man musical based on the board game Monopoly. That’s still not as weird as Barry a welder from Eccles squeezing his hairy lump of a torso into a shirt designed for the lithe and toned body of Chicarito. Chicarito – the Little Pea. Not Barry whose idea of sophistication is a little peas with his fish and chips on the way to the match.

The show was MONOPOLISE! – a one man murder mystery musical performed, written,produced and directed by one for the nicest friends I have. Alfie Joey. I have to say – it was bizarre. I don’t know how to describe it, comedy – yes. Musical theatre – yes. Cabaret as well in many ways. Loads of fun and performed with dedication and aplomb. I think he might be onto something with it. It’s early days – anyhow you can tweet him by clicking his name.

I believe – in fact I know United won, I didn’t seek the result out, it found me. Via Twitter, text and facebook. People seem to be enjoying telling me the score. Though to be fair I tip my hat to this particular tweet from my mate Euan McMorrow

and then this one from @paulrskendal

First real test……..

So the Premier League kicks off this weekend – riots permitting. You may not know I’ve decided to take a whole year away from football. There’s more in my previous post. Last Sunday was the Community Shield and to be honest it wasn’t that much of pain not watching it. I find these games generally a bit boring and pointless. However it seems this year I was wrong hey? I’ve learnt one thing about trying to avoid all football very quickly. You can’t. Not with a 14 year old son who was screaming and shouting in the other room. If I’m honest that side of this stupid thing that I’ve decided to do is upsetting me a little. Me and the lad have had some great times together through our mutual love of going to the games. He understands though, and he was very quick to state he wouldn’t be joining me in my year of abstinence. He’s going to the game with his Grandad this season, and the same people we meet up with will still be there – just not me. We’ve spoken about it at length and I think our relationship will survive!
So this Sunday will be a big test. Last weekend I took the dog for a big walk and went to see Arrietty . It filled the time. I need something to do this weekend though. Part of me thinks/hopes that I’ll become a more rounded human being by doing this, more cultured and perhaps wiser for my experiences. So what I’m looking for is some kind of worthy/artistic/culture/bloody ra ra event to fill my football hole this Sunday. Ideas? Comment or tweet me or summat.

Ta

Justin x

Season Sabbatical

I’m giving up football for a year. All football. Going to the match. Watching it on telly. No more Match of the Day, Football Focus, Soccer AM, Dutch League highlights on some obscure channel. All of it. No more talking about it in pubs. No more tweeting or facebooking my thoughts on the game to provoke hatred directed towards me because I like a team that plays in a different coloured shirt to the team that someone else likes, and has a mobile phone or lap top in reach ready to spew bile-raged threats that surely they’ d never utter in real life.
So no more football for me for a year. All of it. Watching it, talking about it, playing it – the last one won’t be too hard.
Let’s see where it takes me. It might make a more rounded human being. It might kill me. I’ll find out.
Fittingly my last football fixture was at Old Trafford last night to see Paul Scholes bow out of the game with the dignity and understated aplomb that has defined his marvellous career. A fine night in the company of the great Ken Loach and his amazing fellow genius Sixteen Films band of magic makers. As a guest of Eric Cantona and I nodded hello to Pele – not a bad way to sign off hey? Name dropping and showing off as I turn my back on the ‘beautiful game’ for a year.

Oh and Scholesy scored a belter didn’t he? Perfect

I’ll let you know more when I have got rid of this hangover.

Justin x